Mike Cross
Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar on evening fair
And one could tell by how we walked that he drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.
Ring ding diddle diddle i de o ring di diddly i o
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.
About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt.
They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold, for them to see, beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth.
They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show.
Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree
Behind a bush, he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes
“O lad I don't know where you’ve been but I see you won first prize.”
The Scotsman he was numb with drink and his head was spinning round
He couldn’t get that ribbon off, so homeward he was bound
His wife she caught a flash of blue as he took off his clothes
And it piqued her curiosity as you might well suppose.
Well then she asked that Scotsman where he’d been and what he’d done
He said there was a contest at the pub and that he’d won
She cried, “you did not show that thing in front of all those men?”
“I did not show it all my love, just enough that I would win.”