As I came home on a Monday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door where my own horse should be
So, I called me wife and I said “Hey Wife, will explain to me
Who owns that horse outside the door where my own horse should be?”
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, so you can not see
Why that's the lovely dairy cow me mother gave to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
But a dairy cow with saddle on I’ve never seen before
Tuesday
I saw a coat behind the door where my own coat should be
Who owns that coat behind the door where my own coat should be?”
That's the lovely blanket that me mother gave to me
But a blanket with buttons on I’ve never seen before
Wednesday
I saw a pipe upon the chair where my own pipe should be
Who owns that pipe upon the chair where my own pipe should be?”
That's the lovely tin whistle that me mother gave to me
But a tin whistle with tobacco in it, I’ve never seen before
Thursday
I saw two boots beside the bed where my own boots should be
Who owns those boots beside the bed where my own boots should be?”
They’re lovely Geranium pots me mother gave to me
But Geranium pots with laces on I’ve never seen before
Friday
I saw a head upon the bed where my own head should be
Who owns that head upon the bed where my own head should be?”
That's a lovely baby boy me mother gave to me
But a baby boy with whiskers on I’ve never seen before
Saturday
I saw two mits upon the tits where my own mits should be
Who owns those mits upon the tits where my old mits should be?”
That's the lovely lace brassiere that me mother gave to me
But a lace brassiere with fingernails on I’ve never seen before
Sunday
I saw a man inside the land where my own man should be
Who owns that owns that man inside the land where my own man should be?”
That's the lovely shillelagh me mother gave to me
But a shillelagh with bullocks on I’ve never seen before