Some friends and I in a public house were playin’ dominoes one night
When into the room a barman came, his face all chalky white
“What’s up,” says Brown, “Have you seen a ghost? Have you seen your Aunt Mariah?”
“Oh me Aunt Mariah be buggered,” said he, “The bloody pub’s on fire!”
“Oh” says Brown, “what a bit o’ luck, everybody follow me
It’s down to the cellar, if the fire’s not there, we’ll have a grand old spree!”
So we all went down with good old Brown, and the booze we could not miss,
And we hadn’t been there ten minutes or more ‘til we were quite like this: oh
There was Brown, upside down, moppin’ up the whiskey on the floor,
“Booze! Booze!” the firemen cried, as they came a-knockin’ at the door;
Oh don’t let ‘em in ‘til it’s all drunk up, somebody shouted “MacIntyre!” (MacIntyre!!!)
And we all got blue-blind, paralytic drunk when the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
Then Smith went over to the port wine tub and gave it just two hard knocks,
Started takin’ off his pantaloons, likewise his shoes and socks;
“Hold on,” says Brown, “That ain’t allowed, you can’t do that in here!
Don’t be washing your trousers in the port wine tub when we’ve got lite ‘Gansett beer!”
Oh, then there came a mighty crash, half the bloody roof caved in,
We were drownin’ in the fireman’s hose, though I swear it tastes like gin,
So we got some tacks and some old wet sacks, and we tacked ourselves inside,
And we sat there drinking pints of stout ‘til we were bleary-eyed.