Fire Down Below

From Tripple Nipple Jones

I'm just a simple country lad to London just come down
To tell you the scrapes and narrow escapes I had when last in town.
'Twas market day and I'd sold me hay
And stood things to admire.
When all at once a chap called out
He'd mastermind the fire.

Fire fire fire, fire down below.
Let's hope that we may never see a fire down below.

I turned around to ask a lass the cause of all this stir,
And if she'd mind as to be so kind as to tell me where it where.
Said she "Young man, yes that I can,
Do all that you inquire,
So come with me, and you shall see,
I'll take you where there's fire."

With that she linked her arm in mine and down the street she steered
To some back slum she called her home but still no fire appeared.
In a house we creeped, upstairs we peeped
Three stories high and higher.
In a room we stopped, all night we popped
But I couldn't find the fire.

In the morning when I wakened up, my lady bird had flown.
Not only lass, but all my brass, my watch my clothes were gone.
Bare laggin' in feet, I ran in the street
Me shirt me sole attire.
The women all laughed, the men they chaffed
But I kept callin' FIRE!

But some good chance, I made it home, half-dead with shame and fright,
And all that saw and knew me well said, "Rascal, served you right."
But the worst wasn't past, it came at last,
I thought I should expire.
Say what you will I was very ill
And the doctor said 'twas fire.

So come all you good gentleman, well courting have not been
Be advised by me, don't foolish be, by all I've done and seen.
Don't miss your ways on market days
Or stand things to admire,
But avoid back slums and female chums
And don't go catching fire.